Dear World,

Hmmmm…

That’s really all I have to say today…!

Shea’s Mind: Oh Shea have you not learned your lession about boys?

Shea: … what if they are the very essence of what you adore?  What if they love the music/movies/quotes you do?  What if you never notice they were in front of your face the whole time, and now you’re looking but also seeing?

Je ne sais pas…!

Sincerely,

Shea

P.S. HAPPY HALLOWEEN ❤

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Dear World,

Did my last blog entry seem a bit harsh and/or irrational?  I’m sorry if it did.  But I’m not sorry at the same time.

 

Anyway,  I have had some more time to laugh it off and reflect.  Seriously, I have always known when I meet someone amazing, I’ll know.  I want to travel with someone, meet my soul mate, and discover life.  I knew HE was not that person I’d be doing it with.  It was fun while it lasted, I must say, and though I had to dump his a** because of his unchivalrous ways and ireevecable rudeness, he did make me laugh. 

 

This is just a reminder to myself to be with someone who makes me feel the way I’m supposed to feel.  It had never actually FELT right.  I guess that’s part of the road I’m traveling down.  I’m learning lessons for a reason.

 

As I type this, I’m snuggeled up in a blanket and my feet are nestled in my slippers.  I’m listening to the Pride and Prejudice sountrack and my mind is cleared and happy.  All it takes is time, time to figure things out, laugh things off, and move the heck on.

 

Sincerely,

Shea

Dear World

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA.

HAHAH.

OH BOY!

HAHAHA.

Hm.  Ok, I’m good now.  sorry just had to laugh a bit more.  Oh gee, ain’t life funny?  People are never who you think!  A weight has lifted, I am FREE!  I am NEVER meant to be in a relationship.  Being a cat lady is my future, and I am ok with it! HAHAHHAHHAHAHA.

I may sound bitter, but I swear, I am not.  I AM SO RELIEVED!  Dear god, it feels good.

Let me ask you this: how chivalrous is it when a guy NEVER pays and then says “Oh, I won’t pay for you to go to prom.  We could just meet there and you pay for your own ticket.”

HAHAHHAHAHHAHA.  GOODBYE.

It wasn’t only that.  Sometimes being complete opposites does NOT work.  What the hell was I thinking?!  Tonight I had a great conversation with this new guy friend about The Dave Matthews Band and O.A.R.!  REAL music!  Music I love!  What the hell was I thinking?!

I am so relieved.  Now I can go back to my independent, happy self!  Oh dear god, thank you for letting me see the light.  This has been invigorating.

You know what the best part is?  I was the man and called him.  He didn’t have the guts.  My friend said it was the most subtle and emotionless break up she has ever witnessed (if that even counts as a break up, we weren’t official)!  She said there has to be something wrong with me as most girls would be all sad, slash, I am her hero because I don’t need a guy and laugh in the faces of those who treat me horribly.

I know a guy who would give his left arm to be with me.  Unfortunately I don’t feel the same about him, but still, he is chivalrous and knows how to respect a woman.

Oh dear god, I am free.

Sincerely,

Shea

Dear World,

I still laugh at the irony I have created in my life.  I, the independent and head strong girl, the “single friend” who everyone always brings along for the third wheel, the one who completely is against dating in high school, has…. a boyfriend?  I haven’t actually spoken those two words verbally, but I guess in the world of boys and girls, we are.

It’s all a bit strange still.  I am astounded that I haven’t run.  I am so convinced I am going to wake up one of these days and feel imprisoned, scratching at the metal bars of a life that unlike freedom.  Yet, I haven’t felt that way, not at all.  I wake up, and live my life, like I always have.  No sick feeling in the stomach, no regrets, just my head up looking forward to another day like I always have, except now there is a boy in the picture…

For those few of you that read my blog and have read my posts about that boy I’ve liked for two years might want to know if I got over my shyness for him and asked him out… That would be a big NO.  I will always be attracted to HIM, but now that I really think about it, I don’t know anything about who he is.  He could be a criminal for all I know (doubt it).  As for that girl that was chasing after him?  He stood her up (or whatever terminology you want to use for never answering a person when they ask you to a dance).  I have to give her credit, SHE asked HIM.  He never answered.  Not very gentlemanlike.  Oh well, I’m not judging, normally I probably would have run away too.

So this boy, that is my friend, well, he something else.  He is hilarious.  He is always making me laugh.  He’s tall.  He’s blond (who would have ever thought I’d go for a blond!), he’s a grade younger than me (I’m such a cougar).  He’s athletic, he’s goofy, he is caring.  He is different and interesting and we’re complete opposites.  He’s left handed, I’m right handed.  He likes hip hop (ughh) I like acoustic.  He likes comedies, I like horror films.  He loves modern things, I love old fashioned.  He’s a mac, I’m a PC.  I might have lied about him being a mac, I’m not actually sure about that.  You get the picture though.  We are total opposites, and I kind of think that is why we work.  There is never a dull moment with us.  And now I am going to stop talking about us like we’re an old married couple auditioning for a game show…

This is all still new.  It really is.  Whatever, we both hate defining things.  I’m having fun, he makes me laugh, life is good.

Sincerely,

Shea

Dear World,

Oh hey, it’s been a while, since I have blogged I mean.  My excuse?  Senior year, soccer, life in general.  Seriously, this whole college thing is a heck of a lot more stressful than I ever anticipated it to be…  I mean, I’ve dreamed of college since I was about 5, but the reality is quite a lot of paper work, applications, etc., etc.

Still life has become different, a good different.  I think I am starting to break down the wall that I’ve built up around my heart.  Who knows though, right?

Sincerely,

Shea

Dear World,

So for the past few weeks I have had this really sad feeling.  I look around high school, and senior year, and I just get sad about having to leave it all.  This doesn’t seem like me at all.  I’ve been excited for college since about the fourth grade.  The thought of going out and having a brand new adventure is romantic and perfect.  Yet, I am still going to miss things like homecoming and pep rallies and hanging out with my teachers just because they are amazing.

Sigh, life really does become a blur.  I’ve got to just bask in this perfect year.

Sincerely,

Shea

Dear World,

Tonight is the homecoming dance.  I guess I have a date.  I’m excited/ curious to see how this will all turn out.  We hung out at the football game last night, and it’s all so different than I’ve been used to, being with someone that is.  I know that sounds really lame, but it’s true.  I’m used to being independent and not having to make plans around anyone.  I mean, this isn’t changing anything, but I guess it’s different, and interesting, and fun.

Sincerely,

Shea